Updated: Jun 8
In my work as a sex and trauma therapist, I often have clients who share that they struggle with staying present in their bodies, especially during sex. They may not feel connected to their body, are wondering how their body looks, or may think of their to-do list as opposed to staying present in the moment.
If you’re nodding your head as you read this, you’ve come to the right place. I put together a mindful meditation to help you remove distractions and blocks you experience during sex. Whether you’re new to meditation or a novice, this guided meditation can enhance your sexual experiences so you can access holistic pleasure.
What is Mindful Sex?
Mindful sex is the practice of being present during sex. Instead of getting lost in thought, you fully immerse your body, mind, and senses into the experience. When you’re distracted during sex, it can keep you from reaching the height of pleasure you desire. It can also prevent you from speaking up about what feels good, neutral, and uncomfortable. Sometimes, you may even struggle to orgasm or lose your momentum.
Benefits of Meditation During Sex
Meditation can help you become more mindful -- meaning, you’re fully aware and present in the moment. It is a powerful tool that can be used to improve all facets of your life, be it sex, the quality of your work, or your emotional intelligence. That said, it has immense benefits and can improve your quality of life.
According to research from the National Center for Biotechnology Information, some of the benefits of meditation include:
Reduces blood pressure
Lengthens attention span
Can improve sleep
So, how can these benefits help you in the bedroom? If you can use meditation to boost your awareness, reduce stress, and improve your attention span during sex, you can shut down wandering thoughts and bring your attention back to your pleasure.
In fact, studies show mindfulness can help minimize cognitive interference, or unwanted thoughts, during sex, thus improving sexual satisfaction and self-esteem. Additionally, mindfulness during sex can decrease pain during sex, increase sexual arousal and wetness, help you feel more connected to yourself and partner(s), and increase body appreciation.
How to Relax Your Mind Before Sex
Relaxing your mind before sex takes practice, so a guided meditation is a good way to get started. This guided meditation* I created will center your sense of sound and touch to help you reach a state of calm and connection to your body. Ultimately, you should feel more grounded and aware of your body.
Mindfulness Meditation Practices
When you get distracted during sex, use your voice and meditation to bring you back to attention. Sounds you can make while meditating to improve mindfulness during sex include:
You may wonder how and why humming, breathing, laughing, and moaning are tied into a meditation practice and what it has to do with sex. So, let me share more about why this may be helpful for you.
The vagus nerve, which connects the brainstem to the body, helps your body to relax and be stimulated. It is activated during pleasurable touch and it is connected to your vocal cords and the muscles at the back of your throat. So, things like humming, moaning, and laughing, can activate these muscles and stimulate your nervous system to relax.
The techniques explored during this meditation can then be used during solo or partnered sex to help you stay present and experience more pleasure. It should help create harmony between your mind and body so they both feel the same sensations.
What if it’s Not Working?
There isn’t a wrong way to meditate, it can look different for each person. If you’re struggling to ground yourself despite following the meditation guide, don’t be hard on yourself. Remember not to judge any thoughts that creep into your mind. Meditation isn’t about trying to banish all wandering thoughts. Acknowledge them, don’t judge them, and re-center yourself instead. Also, remember you won't become a maestro at mindful sex over night, so keep at it.
If meditation isn’t helping or you’re looking for more tools, consider intimacy counseling. You may have blocks that a professional can help you work through.
Ready to kickstart your journey to mindful sex? We’ll be here for about 15 minutes, so find a comfortable position and let’s get started!
* This exercise lives on the afterglow website, an adult site that prioritizes education and sexual wellness. So, if you've been searching for ethical porn, use XOHEAL for a free 7-day trial. Please note this is an 18+ website for adult content.